Tuesday, March 10, 2009

It's In The Wardrobe!

(The height of self-expression even then!)

I never really explained the Wardrobe Project, did I? Mercy me! I wrote it out in my physical journal, and in my fluttery brain prolly just figured I’d put it elsewhere.

I didn’t just want to do a run’o the mill fashion blog type deal. I don’t consider myself all that fashionable really, even though I love it and I like using clothes as a means to express myself. Basically, I started doing this for two reasons, the first practical, the second personal:

1. Practical: I am a clothes horse. Don’t get me wrong, I hate spending tons of money on one article of clothing, I think it’s wasteful in times like these (unless one has a grand occasion coming up, in which case, we all should enjoy finery at some point in our lives, or what‘s the point of our lives?). However, I’ve gotten really good at rummaging through thrift stores, clearance racks, etsy and eBay. Thus, my closet is overflowing! To the point where I forget what I have, what goes with what, and end up defaulting to jeans and the same t-shirt. I recently read about a girl who made her very own glossy catalogue that hangs in her closet, reminding her of all the fabulous pieces she has and the many ways to wear them. When she thinks up a new outfit, she snaps a pic, prints it on a page, and adds! While I’m not that devoted, I figured a little album on my computer full of snapshots would do the same trick. It’s working! I feel less wasteful and my wardrobe feels even bigger!

2. Personal: Since I was about 11 years old, I have been extremely insecure. While taking lots of pictures of one’s self and putting them on a blog may seem self-absorbed to you, to me, it’s a testament to how much I DON’T obsess about myself any more. I still have a long way to go, don’t get me wrong, I‘ve JUST gotten to the place where I‘ll show my teeth in a photo without even thinking. But picture if you will, my 15 year old self: I NEVER let someone else take a picture of me. When they did, I would obsess over how ugly I thought I was. I would point out how big my nose was, how bad my skin was, how awful my brows were, how ugly and awkward my hips seemed, and how dorky the dress I fell in love with at the mall actually looked on my (to me) ugly body. I would stare and stare and stare at those pictures until I finally tore them up or buried them somewhere. The picture there are? Closeups taken myself with disposable cameras, bright flashes, too much makeup. A flash so bright that it makes no shadow on my nose, so it looks small. A white face, with big eyes, and nothing more. People would tell me I was pretty, and their words fell on deaf ears.

*wince* oi...

But now, as I get older and as my life expands, this changes. After conversations with people I love, I finally saw how self-involved and damaging to other relationships this thinking really was. I had put away so many bad, destructive, self-centered habits, this was one of my last barriers. And the Wardrobe Project has been a GREAT way to work it out! There I am, the girl God made, not trying to hide herself. Not trying to alter what ‘aint junk. And the freer I feel, the less I care about that silly nose, those awkward hips, those imperfect teeth. I’m me. Take me or leave me. All the most fabulous and wonderful people already dig me anyway. ;)

Probably my favorite picture of me ever.
And hey look, teeth :)



Blogger Liz said...

Here, I never noticed the nose (which isn't strange since there's absolutely nothing wrong with it!) and just thought of you as a fascinating young girl who was getting prettier every year. Now if you had MY nose, or MY teeth, or MY double chin, then I could understand the picture problem. I still hate pictures of myself in profile (I discovered with the wedding pictures) even after losing a ton of weight.

However, I think that you are absolutely right. Be the person God made you to be, including the creative clothes horse. That's the person we all love. Who cares whether that looks like what you perceive the current idea of beauty is. Although frankly, my dear, I think you could be a model (not that you'd want to do that). It's just cool to see a true lover of God who doesn't look like a frump. Just think of the people who might be able to listen to Amy who would otherwise have written Christians off as throwbacks to another time and place.

9:16 PM  
Blogger LNA said...

Of course, I agree with Liz. You could easily be a model. From the time you were a wee lass, your face always shone a beauty, inward and outward. It gets more beautiful all the time as you resort back to the very earliest years when self acceptance was taken for granted and you were busy making everyone else around you feel more comfortable. You had many friends, because of that. Your beauty is best remembered in the rosy cheek girl in the LL Bean parka at the skating rink. Making new friends each time, laughing and enjoying yourself...and then your confident beauty as you prepared yourself for your wedding day.

9:26 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

I would have to say, that is one of my favorite pics of you also, When i saw it, i thought, THERE SHE IS! The weird kid tied up in ribbons, the skating pixie, the BFF of citrus everywhere, I missed her and on that day, in those pictures, I knew she was back .... good timing too, since the Prince had finally shown up! :D

10:27 PM  

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